I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
