Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
