Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
