Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
