Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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