HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
