apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
