I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sober January is a disaster.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
