Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
