I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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