Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
