It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
