Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
