a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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