I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
