I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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