I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
