There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
