6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Who died my cat blue again?
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