lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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