What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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