i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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