first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
