There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
