We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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