my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
