I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
