Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
