Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
