I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
