I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
