I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
