I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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