I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
