you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
