so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
