You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
