never play flip cup with pint glasses
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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