as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
