Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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