I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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