the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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