Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
