When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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