Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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