your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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