yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
