last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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