does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
