If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
