I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
