Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
