ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
