I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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