he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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