Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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