at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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