Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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