They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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