whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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