it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
