So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
