There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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