i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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