Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
