If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
