the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i will never coherently bang her
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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