the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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