So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize