how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize