shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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