i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
