That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
