false alarm. still invincible.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
