I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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