She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize