..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
