I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
