Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i will never coherently bang her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
