You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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