Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
