I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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