When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize