wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
