just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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