This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
