lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
