there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
