my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize