I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
