You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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