I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
