You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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