i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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