If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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