My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
