It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
