I heard we made out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
