Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
