You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
