i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
