Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
