what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
