You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My vagina is officially offended.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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