No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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