I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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