i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
