Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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