Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
