The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
