Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
