I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize