I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
