apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
