I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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