But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
