i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize