If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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