you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
